Disequilibrium
by STech
Summary: Athrun is disembarking from the Academy, but will he able to leave the past behind? Is he ready? Sequel to Equilibrium
1. Chapter 0: Prologue

**I'm still alive! And as promised, the sequel to Equilibrium is finally here! **

**First, I'd like to say Happy Birthday to Athrun! I thought it would be fitting to post on his birthday (It's still Oct 29 where I live :P)**

**And Happy 10th Anniversary to Gundam Seed! **

**Both the title and the rating of this story are subject to change at this point, as it is still very much in the works. This is simply a prologue for those who have either not read Equilibrium, or have forgotten what happened. If you do not feel that you fall into either of these categories, feel free to skip over this chapter. ****For those who have not read the original, you will probably be able to follow this story, but be warned, there are a fair few OC's, and I know not everyone is into that.**

**I'm going to try something new for this story as well. I've never been keen on the idea of 'song-fics', but I'm going to try to base each chapter after a song as I've found lately that it helps to guide me through a chapter. So (hopefully) each chapter, not including this one, will be named after a song. I may post some lyrics at the end, but you are encouraged to go listen to that song after you've read the chapter! **

**While I'm fairly certain you all know this, I do not own Gundam Seed (or 00 for that matter), nor do I own any of the song that may be mentioned. **

**Enjoy~**

* * *

Chapter 0: Prologue

It would be inaccurate to say that the last year and a half of my life has been a roller coaster. Perhaps it's simply because a roller coaster implies that one goes up and down, and in a world filled with futile clichés, this implies that life goes from high to low points. I personally don't think I hit a high point in the last 12 months. Instead, things remained at the tedious bottom section of the roller coaster; the part where you're just waiting for the ride to get better.

Anyway, it all started when Junius Seven was attacked and destroyed, taking my mother along with it. This occurrence set in motion a string of events that continues to unravel in a way I'm not sure I approve of. The first step was applying to the military. Of course, when my best friend, Kira, heard that I was applying on my own he simply wouldn't have it, and he followed me. We arrived at the academy, made some new friends, began some new lessons, and all that 'fun' stuff. From day one though, I was unsure as to why I was really there. What was it that provoked me? Did I simply feel powerless? Did I really want to do something to change the world? Or did I just have a mid-(teenage)-life crisis?

At the academy, I met Nicol and Hylas who shared a dorm with Kira and me. Nicol was your run of the mill, average but overly kind teenager. Hylas was slightly further behind Nicol, or any of us for that matter. He had to work much harder to accomplish things that we were all able to do so easily. I took him under my wing as my surrogate little brother, and I rather enjoyed having him around. Maybe it just made me feel useful. I also met Yzak, Dearka, Rey and Shinn. This whole group with the exception of Ray had an overwhelming sense of pride and a matching temper. Shinn especially disliked me from the get go. I also met Lunamaria, a girl in my dorm who I think I came to be interested in. Think being the key word there. Another girl from her dorm surfaced, and I quickly realized it was our childhood friend, Lacus, in disguise with her hair dyed black and going by the name of Monica. She had left a girl back home named Meer to act in her place. My interactions with these people were what governed my future at the academy. I instantly fell for Lunamaria, but this was problematic since I knew that she and Shinn had some kind of history. I might have called it ironic that Shinn and I were paired up for most of our lessons throughout the term, but now I simply want to call it cruel. Things became most heated between us when he lost his patience and wounded me during a martial arts class. Something he had definitely been holding back came out, and I realized why he had it out for me. Apparently my father, the chairman of the PLANTs had had his parents deported to Junius Seven, along with many other naturals living in the plants with their families, not long before it was destroyed. For this reason, he hated me. The commander of our group, Mu La Flaga did his best to clear the air between us, and we managed to reach a ceasefire for the time being. However, things continued to go downhill from there. I met with my father whom I hadn't seen spoken to since arriving at the academy. He had sold the house where I'd lived with him and my mother, and purchased a condo in the city outside of the academy for me. He then brought up my 'behavior' at the academy so far. Needless to say, that conversation didn't end well. That was the only time he ever hit me.

Things didn't get much better after that. I was promoted to a ZAFT Red, but apparently became none the wiser. That very night I slept with Lunamaria. I had never hated myself so much for one single act. I knew she was close with Shinn, and despite the peace we had made, I carried out the horrendous act. The aftermath wasn't any better. Shinn confronted me and I left him, completely ruined, outside of my dorm. That night was not the first time I'd ever hurt myself. I've been battling self injury for some time now. But it was the worst up to that point. Fortunately, Lacus, or Monica as I am to call her, found me and pulled me back together. Again though, things continued to get worse. My self-proclaimed younger brother Hylas became ill. The problem was that coordinators don't get sick like that. He admitted to us that something had gone wrong when his parents had decided to make him a coordinator. So it appeared on a genetic test that he was like us, but his illness said otherwise. With the help of Monica, Kira and Nicol, we managed to get him out of the PLANTs alive. Unfortunately the Supreme Council had already caught word, and I was arrested. My father attempted to have Hylas's whereabouts beaten out of me. Lucky for Hylas I didn't know where he had gone. That chapter of my life came to a close when my father shot me. I woke up back at the academy, but things would never be the same after that. I lost Hylas and my father that day.  
It wasn't long before Hylas was replaced at the academy, and a new recruit who went by the name of Tieria Erde occupied our dorm. I initially could not stand him, perhaps simply because he had taken my friend's place so quickly. He was arrogant, anti-social and gave off the worst vibe possible. Much to my dismay, Tieria, Nicol, Shinn, Rey and I were sent out on an emergency mission to provide support for another group. We had a decent amount of mobile suit training at that point, but were not yet licensed pilots. The battles were terrifying. The idea that I was killing soldiers out there that were just like me haunted me for days. More than once, Tieria took hits for the rest of us, and was injured to protect us. It was then that things turned around between the two of us, and we have since welcomed him into our circle of friends. On that mission, even Shinn and I began to get along again. But no sooner than it had been repaired, the bond between us was strained further. I made the mistake a second time, and slept with Lunamaria. I don't know what I was thinking, and I was disgusted with myself.

What happened next was undoubtedly what I would consider rock bottom. Things became tense with Shinn once again, and during the pilot licensing test, things got ugly. We were sparring in the ZAKUs when 'shit really hit the fan'. We lost it with each other and went at it. Someone jumped between us to break us up, but it was too late. The pilot who attempted to referee us was left wide open, and just before he was struck, I realized it was Kira. All three of us were injured, Kira the worst of all. He was left paralyzed and in a coma, and for two agonizing weeks, we were unsure if he would wake up.

Things finally turned around for me when my best friend woke up, and it became clear that he would make a full recovery. But I would never forgive myself for what happened. It didn't need to be said. It took my best friend almost dying for Shinn and I to realize that this was not a game. Shinn's friend Rey along with Lunamaria were sent out with a team into the field, as we haven't since heard from them. A new girl arrived to take Luna's place; a girl that I quickly fell for. I knew from the beginning that Sienna was like me. Her traumatic past was written all over her. Yet somehow, together we found comfort. She and I grew very close, and if not for the following event, we probably would have made a very good couple.

But in the end, Kira, Shinn, Tieria and I were announced as the latest team to graduate from the ZAFT academy. After all, we did not attend the academy to meet future spouses or make friends; we were there to be trained to protect our nation and its ideals. We left the academy and our friends and are now about to embark on a new journey; one that I'm sure will be just as much of a 'roller coaster' as the last one.


	2. Chapter 1: The Strength To Go On

Chapter 1: The strength to go on.

"Athrun, wake up!"

I slowly open my eyes, only to be blinded by the bright light radiating through the windows of the transport van. What ever happened to tinted windows?

"Wha- issit?" I mumble inarticulately.

"We're here!" Kira exclaims.

My vision begins to clear and I look around at my comrades through blurry eyes. While Kira is bouncing up and down, Shinn is far less than excited, looking like he just woke up as well. Tieria just looks bored. He's had that expression of complete indifference slapped across his face for days now, kind of making me want to slap _him _across the face.

"That was quick," I comment, rubbing my eyes and finally recovering my sight.

"No it wasn't, you've been asleep for seven hours!" Kira yells

"How would you know?" Tieria snorts, "you slept for most of it too."

Clearly Tieria didn't sleep, as is evident by unpleasant mood.

Shinn slides open the door of the van and jumps out first. Tieria follows, then Kira, and then myself. The air is the perfect temperature, and amidst the musky smell of machinery is the salty smell of the ocean. I love that smell; it reminds me of the beach back near my condo.

"It sure is nice out hey?" I comment.

No one answers, and I quickly realize why.

I'm standing in front of the most magnificent war ship I've ever seen. I've never seen a ship so large in my entire life. It makes the last ship I was on look like a tugboat.

"…dude" is all Kira says.

We continue to stare at the ship in front of us with our jaws hanging to the ground until we are approached by a young man and a boy who looks around our own age.

"Welcome. I trust you had a good trip," Says the taller man. His voice has a pleasant tone to it, one that matches his kind looking eyes hidden behind small-framed, oval shaped glasses. His light brown hair is pulled high into a ponytail that extends down his back. He stands about six feet tall, and has an overall friendly aura about him.

The same cannot quite be said about his younger companion. The boy's eyes are an unusually dark blue, reminding me of the cold, dark ocean, and his long dark hair is messy around his face and tied loosely, resting on his heavily tensed right shoulder. His hair covers much of his face, and his right eye is barely visible. He is about the same height as me, and his expression nearly matches Tieria's. He has a naturally cold feeling about him.

"Welcome to Aprilius. My name is Dr. Billy Katagiri, and this is my apprentice, Jaden Morrow. I am in charge of the mobile suits aboard this vessel, and I will see to any work that needs to become of them. I'm sorry someone more official couldn't have come to greet you, but the majority of the crew has not yet arrived."

"Thank you, I'm Kira Yamato. This is Athrun Zala, Tieria Erde and Shinn Asuka," Kira says, taking on the role of leader. I'm grateful; the last time I had to do so, I didn't feel I did it justice.

"The rest of the mechanics are on lunch right now, so how about I give you a tour of the ship, then you'll have the rest of the day to relax. Tomorrow when the Captain arrives, the four of you will be taken to the main armory. We will stay the for a couple of days while we calibrate the machines you've been assigned, as well as give you some time to practice with them. Once we're finished there, we'll return here and prepare to launch the ship."

I had completely forgotten that we are all to be assigned our own machines. From what I know of the main armory of ZAFT, it's very close to the Supreme Council building. I close my eyes and shake my head, as thoughts from my last visit to there attempt to overtake me.

"Thank you, Dr. Katagiri," Kira says formally, leading the salute.

Billy salutes formally in return, then drops his hand and smiles. "Please, call me Billy. The formalities aren't required until the captain arrives tomorrow."

"Uh, ok then, Billy," Kira says, sounding a bit confused.

Billy smiles sincerely at him, "shall we?" He gestures towards the ship.

A part of me wants to jump back into the van and head straight back in the opposite direction, but I know this it; the point in time we've all been waiting for.

Billy leads us up a set of temporary stairs and onto the ship.

"Welcome aboard the Vermillion. She's the newest ship of the trans-atmospheric Minerva class, and is 350 meters in length, complete with Ablative armor, deuterion beam energy transfer system, as well as seven different types of armaments including a magnificently powerful positron blaster cannon. While this ship is heavily armed as a battleship, it doubles as a carrier and can hold up to eleven small sized mobile suits." Billy continues to ramble of the specs and armaments of the ship, which means very little to me at this point. Tieria however seems to be hanging off his every word. Billy quickly notices this, and speaks directly to him whilst announcing to the group. I can tell those two will get along well.

"So this is the main deck," Billy says, "however since we seem to be either in space or under water most of the time, it doesn't get much use." He leads us into the interior of the ship next. "And through these doors, we have the main corridor. Down those stairs and you're on the bridge, where the captain and intelligence crew spend most of their time, and up that way is the cafeteria. If we follow this corridor, we'll come to the main living quarters and main lounge. However, since you're all pilots, you guys have your own living space, though you're more than welcome to spend time in the cafeteria and main lounge. These lifts do travel below the two main decks," he indicates an elevator type device, "but you won't have any need to visit the engines or boilers down there."

I only notice that Jaden has left us somewhere along the way as Billy leads us away from the main level of the ship, and down to the next level.

"So this is the pilots' lounge," Billy says, stopping in front of a large silver door with no windows. It looks rather exclusive as it had a scanner to the right of the door. "Which reminds me, I was supposed to give you these." Billy pulls a handful of cards from the pocket of his lab coat. "These are your ID cards. You'll need them to get into the pilots lounge. They clip onto the breast pocket of your uniform."

Billy hands us each an ID card, and swipes mine in front of the scanner before entering the room.

"So this is the main lounge, and your dorms are on either side of the room, each with its own bathroom. It looks like Kira, you'll be sharing a room with Athrun, and Shinn and Tieria will be on the other side here. You do not need the cards to enter your quarters, but the lounge, and therefore the dorms, is open only to you pilots. I'm sure the captain will remind you of that when she arrives."

I quickly glance over at Tieria. I have no problem living with Kira, but I'm not sure how he feels about living with Shinn. Moreover, I'm not sure how Shinn feels about living with Tieria. I never thought we'd be separated into pairs. Oh well, I guess it's only sleeping arrangements. We have the entire lounge to ourselves. I attempt to turn my brain off and I look around the lounge. It kind of resembles the lounge at the academy – it has a television, a coffee table, a large L-shaped couch, a fridge, a microwave and a cupboard with a sink below it. There is also a large set of blinds covering some sort of window, which seems to be out of place. We're right at the heart of the ship, there can't really be a window there.

As if reading my mind, Billy pulls open the blinds. "This window gives you a full view of the mobile suit hangar. I'll let you settle in later, but first lets head down there and finish the tour." I hardly get a good look before he closes them again.

We follow Billy back out of the lounge and I bury my ID card in my pocket, making a mental note not to lose it.

"So just down these stairs is the infirmary, located conveniently between the pilot's lounge and the entrance to the hangar," Billy laughs. None of us find this amusing. I think I can speak for all of us when I say I've spend enough time to last a lifetime in the infirmary.

"And just down these stairs a little further," Billy says excitedly, "is the hangar. Down this hallway is the locker room, and then through this door," he says, his voice beginning to echo immensely, "is the mobile suit area. There is also an on board fitness center over at the other end of the hangar with a gravity booster, so it can be used effectively when we're in space," he adds.

I'm unsure of how a room like this, if you could even call it a room, can even fit on a ship. As I stare in awe, Jaden walks in front of me. I wonder where he ran off to.

"Another state of the art feature aboard this ship is this little baby here," Billy says, gesturing towards what looks like a video game booth. I know this to be a simulator, though it looks much more high tech than those at the academy. It closely resembles a mobile suit cockpit, though I've never been in anything so fancy looking. "This simulator was built in accordance with the latest line of mobile suits, and has different programs for each model. Now I'm not going to let you try it out just yet, as it will spoil the fun of testing out your new machines for real, but I feel that this will be useful for training and planning tactical formations."

Tieria looks like he can hardly hold himself back, and it seems like he has to physically drag himself away from the machine as Billy moves on.

"I assure you that this hangar doesn't look quite as large when its full of mobile suits. As I said, it can hold up to eleven small sized suits. Your machines however, are not classified as small. It will be comfortable with the four machines in here plus all the extra parts that come with them. The ship contains two launch decks: one there to your right, and another over there to the left. This allows us to launch the machines quicker. A separate catapult has also been installed for one of the machines, but again, I'm not going to spoil the surprise."

Billy talks of the machines as though they're our highly anticipated Christmas gifts or something. He seems as though he can barely contain himself at the idea of them.

"We have a fairly large sized mobile suit maintenance crew, and there will be a small team designated to each of your mobile suits. It is, as you know, of vital importance to keep them functional, especially when we aren't in our own territory. While your team will be responsible for the maintenance and performance of your machine, I encourage you to learn all you can about them and to work with your team to optimize your performance. Jaden and I will be helping with all four machines, so don't hesitate to ask either of us should you ever feel the need."

"That pretty well concludes our tour. The only other staff aboard the ship aside from mine is the cafeteria staff. There is twenty-four hour food service since many of the crew work in shifts, so feel free to eat anytime. However, I don't think I need to reiterate that your health is of great importance, and with that Red uniform comes an indication that you are adults who are quite capable of taking care of yourselves. I realize that your first real deployment can be a stressful time, but I urge all of you to do your utmost to keep yourselves healthy. I'll let you in on a small secret as well. I haven't seen a team dispatched with four custom suits with elite pilots in some time now. I believe there are quite high hopes for this team. I can't wait to see what you guys have got; you must be a pretty close group."

Billy smiles at us, and his excitement is quite plain. I force myself to smile back, but who is he kidding? A close group? High hopes for us? We're being labeled as this outstanding new 'team,' yet we have little to no experience, and we almost killed each other the last time we were in mobile suites together. This all seems like a very bad dream.

"I believe your belongings should have been brought up to the pilots lounge, so feel free to unpack and get settled in. Remember though, we'll be leaving for the main military base tomorrow morning, so don't get too comfortable. And like I said, most of the staff won't arrive until tomorrow or the next day so feel free to explore the ship."

And with that, Billy dismisses us.

* * *

"Phew! All done!" Kira exclaims as he re-enters the pilots' lounge. He's been unpacking for the last forty-five minutes.

"How did you manage to get four suitcases here?" Tieria asks.

"Hey! Shinn is still unpacking too!" Kira insists.

"No he's not, he's sleeping."

"Oh, well then!"

I'm lying on the couch watching Tieria play with the large TV on the wall. It's pretty amazing; you can watch normal television on it or hook things up to it, but it also has other settings that do things like show you where in the world you are, and what kind of heat sources are around. It also shows visuals from a camera apparently looking out from the front of the ship. We can connect directly to the bridge or the hangar, and possibly other parts of the ship we haven't discovered yet. Furthermore, we can bring up data logs from previous battles as well as any data that is put into the ships main combat systems.

"Tieria, why are you using the television as a map? TV's are meant for video games!" Kira says loudly, jumping in front of us with his hands full with a large black video game console and a bag of games hanging off his arm.

"You brought all that?" Tieria asks.

"Wait, that's from my place?" I ask, stunned that he would even think to bring it.

"Of course! We have to have video games! How else are we going to retain our sanity?"

He never ceases to amaze me. Tieria sits down on the couch beside me and we watch as Kira hooks up the Play Station.

"What else did you steal from my apartment?" I ask him.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kira laughs.

The door opens to our right, and I look up to see Shinn emerge from the dorm looking half asleep, wearing a large grey hoody with his uniform pants.

"Wow, you actually were sleeping. I guess Tieria does have that effect on people," Kira teases.

"I would say its more a factor of not being able to sleep on the way here because _someone_ wouldn't shut up," Tieria laughs.

"You brought video games?" Shinn asks as his eyes light up.

"Yeah, do you wanna play?" Kira asks, holding out a controller to him.

Shinn steps back, as if he feels he's let himself go too far. He looks like he's about to retreat back to the dorm when Kira steps forward.

"Come on, Shinn, this isn't going to be as much fun once we depart. Relax while you can," Kira says, smiling.

Shinn stares blankly for a moment, the finally smiles at Kira and takes the controller from his hand. "What are we playing?" He asks, sitting down next to me as I quickly put my feet on the floor. This feels weird having him here.

"Your choice," Kira says, passing him the bag of games.

"Athrun, are you playing?" Kira asks, offering me the other controller.

"No thanks, you play," I insist. I'm not in the mood for video games at the moment. I know it's good that Kira is including Shinn, and I know I need to learn to accept him as a teammate and potentially even a friend, but it's proving rather difficult. It seemed like a reasonably doable thing before we left, but it feels so weird now. There are so many people I would rather have here than Shinn. I guess I lost a great deal of my freedom when I enlisted; now I'm to do what I'm told with the people I'm told to do it with.

"Alright Shinn, I'll take you on, but you're gonna be sorry!" Kira laughs; setting up the game they've chosen.

After twenty-five minutes and five declined offers to play, I can't stay here any longer. I know I'm being anti-social, but I need to get away.

"I'm going to run down to the cafeteria," I say, hoping they'll believe me.

"Want some company?" Kira asks, pausing the game.

"No, keep playing. I'll be back," I say, making certain not to state how long I'll be. I take my time leaving the room, stopping to pick up my uniform jacket from my dorm so it appears that I'm not running away; however, that's exactly what I'm doing.

As soon as I step foot outside the door, I feel like I can breathe again. But breathing doesn't reverse my thoughts.

I wish I knew how to leave the past in the past. What happened back at the academy is done and over, but it still haunts me. As I close my eyes, the image that continues to haunt me overcomes me.

I'm sparing with Shinn; we're in ZAKUs. Things get heated, and I feel myself losing control. Our weapons clash, and he throws my machine back. I can see his face on my screen, and even through his visor I can see that he has tears in his eyes. He screams about how I've taken everything that's ever mattered to him. I plead for him to stop, but he advances, and breaks my machine open. He comes again, this time for what I know will be the killing blow. I prepare myself, but a white machine dives in front of me, one of the invigilators. Kira's voice cries for me to get out of there. The two pilots fight violently; Kira is trying to stop Shinn but he's lost his control. The last thing I see before everything goes dark is the green beam saber pierce through the back of Kira's cockpit. I hear them both scream, and its over.

I realize that I'm breathing heavily and leaning against the wall for support.

Every time I see it played over in my mind, it feels real. And then the wave of guilt washes over me. Kira was nearly killed trying to save me, and because of something so stupid too. Shinn and I never got along, and that wasn't the first time we took things too far. But that's what it took for me to realize how pathetic it was. My best friend nearly died because of my own ignorance.

I stop where I am and fall back against the wall, sliding down to the floor, burying my head in my knees

Kira was left paralyzed after the incident, while Shinn and I were both injured. We didn't know if Kira would ever wake up, and if he did wake, if he would ever be the same. I have never been so thankful as I was the day I learned he would make a full recovery.

But even now, the event haunts me, and I can't forgive Shinn or myself for what happened. I don't know how I'm supposed to be his teammate now. Kira handles him so well; doing everything he can to make him feel welcome and accepted even after what happened. Kira is a better person for being able to let something like that go. I wish I had the strength he does.

I finally look up and realize I don't have a clue where I am or how I got here. What I do know is that this spot is beautiful. I've absently wandered to the end of a corridor at what seems to be the back of the ship. The entire wall beside me is a window that looks out onto the ocean about ten feet below.

I pull myself up and walk towards the window. The view is magnificent. The sun is high in the sky and the waves crash against the side of the ship. The peace it brings reminds me of the beach near my apartment. Something about the ocean puts me at ease.

And with that, I feel the need to leave this place before my mind runs rampant again. There's no question that I will be back.

With the notion that I'm not ready to return to the lounge, I decide to explore the ship a bit. It seems like a good time since few of the crew is actually present and it's unlikely that I'll have to speak to anyone.

I manage to find my way back to the lounge, and I continue on from there. I poke my head into the empty cafeteria and decide I'm not actually hungry. I carry on into the left side of the ship where the rest of the crew's living area is. There is a lounge that is much larger than ours, but with similar features. It's entire front wall however, is a window looking out from the front of the ship. At the end of this hallway, there are several doors that require a key to access, and I assume they are living quarters. I turn around and head towards the bridge. This room looks directly out of the front of the ship over top of the mobile suit launch decks, and several cannons and guns are visible. Billy wasn't kidding when he said this ship was heavily armed. There are several seats along the front of the window and along the sides as well. Two seats sit behind the captains, and one to the lower right. This crew is going to be enormous.

Deciding I've seen enough, I head to the ship's main deck. It is past noon now, and the sun is slowly beginning its descent. I walk as far around the ship as I can and lean against the railing, staring out to sea.

I can't believe I'm finally here. All of the time spent at the Academy and even the Lunar Prep School lead up to this, and yet it doesn't feel like quite the climax I was expecting. I'm not entirely sure what I _was_ expecting.

I've been on one mission before, so its not a completely new experience I guess, but it still feels strange to be here, knowing we are the pilots of this ship and great things are anticipated from us. But that's all we are now: pilots. We are essentially weapons, and we're to do as we're told. I don't think ZAFT is as bad as the Earth Forces for treating their soldiers as less than human, but still, that's what we are now: soldiers. From what I remember of our last mission, we did get to take part in meetings and our opinions were valued, but I'm not sure if that was just because the Captain was desperate.

At the same time, I'm about to put my life on the line like never before. Each time I step off the ship I run the risk of being shot down. My odds are as good as the people I'm fighting. How focused am I? I remember the first time I shot someone down. It was horrible. Will I go through that again? Will I experience that each time I pull the trigger? I know that if I don't shoot them, they'll shoot me. It has to be done, but that doesn't make it any easier to do.

"The cafeteria, hey? Did you get lost?"

I jump slightly, startled as Tieria walks around the corner.

"Hi. Sorry, I wanted some fresh air," I lie.

"It's fine. Are you okay?"

"Fine," I lie, again.

"The way you stormed out of there said otherwise," Tieria says, lighting a cigarette. I choose not to comment. He'll have no choice but to quit smoking once we take off.

"It's just hard to be around Shinn sometimes, after everything that's happened."

"Yeah, I understand."

"How do you feel about sharing a dorm with him?" I ask curiously.

"It's okay I guess," Tieria says, blowing smoke away from me. He's quiet for a few seconds, taking another puff on the cigarette. "To be honest, I think I would prefer it if I could just ignore him and maintain an awkward silence, but it doesn't feel right. I think I need to make an effort to build some sort of relationship with him. The three of us are friends, and it doesn't seem right to leave him on the outside. Teams can't function like that. Kira is doing what he can as well, so I think I should make an effort as his roommate. I'm hoping he'll do the same and it won't be too difficult."

He pauses, and returns the cigarette to his lips. Did he just dump that on me? He knows me well enough to know why I left the lounge; is he calling me out for it? He's right though. Tieria is one of the most anti-social people I know, and yet he's making an effort.

"I knowwwwww," I say loudly with a large sigh. I grasp the railing and lean back, staring up into the sky. "I know I need to do the same. It's just so hard to forgive him! There, I said it. It's hard to forgive him for what has happened, let alone be friends with him."

"I know, and no one expects it to happen over night. You know Kira is going to say the same to you as soon as he gets you alone."

"I know. I'll deal with it."

Silence ensues us, and only the sound of crashing waves persists. Tieria flicks his cigarette and I watch as the ashes float upward into the sky.

"How are you? Physically, I mean," Tieria asks, not taking his eyes off the ocean.

"Fine," I say honestly.

"And your hand?" He asks.

I flex my hand out in front of me, moving my fingers to the best of my ability. "It's getting there," I say quietly. "It doesn't hurt anymore, but it doesn't do a whole lot else either."

Shinn, Kira and I were all injured during the accident back at the Academy. My collarbone was broken and several of the tendons in my hand were completely destroyed. While my collarbone has healed, I had to have the tendons regrown and reattached. I assume it will heal with time, but for now, I can't move my fingers as well as I need to in order to pilot a mobile suit. Typing is my most immediate problem.

"How's the rehab going?"

"Slow, but steady. It'll be ok in time."

"We shouldn't have to do any real fighting right away."

"Tieria," I begin, changing the subject. "Do you miss Anya?"

Tieria looks away from me, and takes an abnormally long puff of his cigarette. "Not really."

"Really?" I ask, completely surprised.

"We knew what we were getting into," he says simply.

I can't tell if he's being honest with me or not. While it does seem like the sort of thing Tieria would do, it just seems impossible not to miss a significant other.

"Did you guys break up?"

"Yeah. We have no clue what the future holds."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, sounding more frustrated than I mean to.

He looks me in the eye, "You miss Sienna, don't you?"

I drop my head and look away from him. There's no point in trying to lie; he can see right through me.

"Yes."

"Did you guys break it off before we left?"

I don't reply. I'm not sure how we left things. We said we were breaking up, but she also said that I'd be protecting her.

"I don't really know."

"You know I'm not really one to offer relationship advice, but I think that's the most difficult thing you could have done. As far as I'm concerned, you need to either establish that you're still together, or move on."

"I know what I need to do," I say truthfully, "but things like this are always easier said than done."

"How do you always manage to find yourself in this position with women?" Tieria says light heartedly.

"I don't know, man. I think I'm doomed," I manage to force a laugh. Truth be told, I don't know why I brought this up. I don't want to talk about it. It's easiest to just not think about it.

"Are you ready to go inside?" Tieria asks.

"Yeah I guess so."

We head back in to the lounge. Tieria swipes his card since I've already forgotten mine. I dump my uniform jacket on my bed and attach the card to the pocket.

"Wow, you found him _and_ managed to drag him back here. I'm impressed!" Kira laughs. "So, do you guys want to go to the cafeteria?" He asks grinning at me.

He knew all along, maybe not where I was, but certainly where I was not.

* * *

Faith alone  
Is all we need  
To traverse this burning bridge  
Now before it gets too late  
You claim "it's fine"

But the heart reveals  
What smiles betray  
Your sad sad eyes gave you away  
And don't you know

What we are is the sum of 1000 lies  
What we know is almost nothing at all  
But we are what we are till the day we die  
Or till we don't have the strength to go on  
Till we don't have the strength to go on

The Strength to go on - Rise Against

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed chapter one! And go listen to the song, that is only a piece of it. It fits so well with this chapter. **

**As I said before, this rating will likely change as the story progresses. When that occurs, you'll have to set your filter to include M rated stories of you won't see this story anymore. Or to make things easy, you can add it to your story alert list if you'd like. **

**I welcome and greatly appreciate reviews! I will absolutely reply to any questions or comments you might have. **

**Until next time! **


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